


Cake

by RarePairGremlin



Series: Twitter Drabbles [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blue eyed Kuroo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, More tags to be added, Moving, Pre-Relationship, Shenanigans, Texting, build a fic, mentioned - Freeform, originally posted on twitter, unedited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23387353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RarePairGremlin/pseuds/RarePairGremlin
Summary: Something was wrong. He doesn’t know what, he doesn’t know how, and he doesn’t understand the knawing feeling deep in his gut that has persisted in distracting him all morning and afternoon. He had assumed, when the feeling had been but a low bubbling, that it was simply the breakfast he’d consumed in an unusual rush.He’d been late getting to the gym for a morning workout, the weather too chilled now for him to comfortably jog, and so he’d decided to partake in the American-style breakfast at the cafe around the corner from his building. It was a place that Kuroo recommended to him a few months back.Kuroo.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Twitter Drabbles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1634176
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey babes!
> 
> This is my attempt at a build-a-fic on twitter. Basically the poll results from twitter control certain aspects of the fic like reactions/relationships/actions etc. It's been so much fun so far and I will post here as it goes on!
> 
> The original prompt for this fic (when it was but a tweet length drabble) was - Cake. Don't worry, the cake will still make an appearance! XD
> 
> [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/RarePairGremlin) | [ My Discord Group, 18+, come chat! ](https://discord.gg/CsX643w) | [ Pillowfort ](https://www.pillowfort.social/RPG) | [ Tumblr ](https://rarepairgremlin.tumblr.com)

Something was wrong. He doesn’t know what, he doesn’t know how, and he doesn’t understand the knawing feeling deep in his gut that has persisted in distracting him all morning and afternoon. He had assumed, when the feeling had been but a low bubbling, that it was simply the breakfast he’d consumed in an unusual rush. 

He’d been late getting to the gym for a morning workout, the weather too chilled now for him to comfortably jog, and so he’d decided to partake in the American-style breakfast at the cafe around the corner from his building. It was a place that Kuroo recommended to him a few months back. 

Kuroo. 

The mere thought of his odd friend sent another wave of uncategorized and to be perfectly honest, annoying sensations through him. This time the heaviness of whatever it was bothering him spread up from his stomach through his chest where it lingered before lifting, but only slightly. As his mind had wandered, his focus wavering far more than he appreciated he’d found his thoughts constantly going to them. 

By lunchtime, he had become certain it wasn’t the change or the haste of his breakfast, but he'd needed a second opinion. A rare questioning from him in the group chat he, ‘creeps’ in (Satori’s words not his as he does not ‘creep’ anywhere, except Reon, had agreed that he does, in fact, do such a thing in the chat so he concludes it must be true) proved his hypothesis correct. A bit of pushing on Satori’s part led them to eventually find the main source of his reoccurring discomfort; Kuroo.

Satori had found it amusing, for reason’s he’s unsure and curious about; but not curious enough to ask. He’s sure his friend has reasons for their amusement and if they wanted to share, they would. 

Semi had remained in the chat but surprisingly quiet through the exchange until the end. They suggested he reach out to Kuroo to ease his mind, pointing out that though he doesn’t believe in ‘gut feelings’ he clearly has reasons for worrying and his body was trying to tell him in an unlogical way. 

He remained skeptical though, at least for a while longer. Thanking his former teammates he turned the chat app off, grabbed a bite to eat and spent the afternoon running his errands. 

Was he worried, somehow, about Kuroo? True, they haven’t spoken in a few days. Their lives busy and the distance between their lodgings, though closer than most, still prevented them from meeting face-to-face as often as they had when they’d been students together. 

A gentle smile curved the corners of his lips up as he pulled the key to his door from his pocket, carefully gripping the straps of the bags holding his groceries as he unlocked his door. Short-lived flashes of his time in University filling his mind as a welcoming wave of nostalgia overshadowed the unsettling weight he’s held onto all day. They’d ended up in the same dormhouse and he’d been surprised how much he and the former Nekoma captain had gotten along. Before the end of the first semester together he’d been even more surprised when Kuroo had considered him a close friend, introducing him as such to their best friend, Kenma, when they’d come to visit one weekend.

The door closed behind him with a dull thud, but that wasn’t the reason he was pulled from his memories. The subtle hint of a smile fell from his lips as he blinked in the direction of his kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Poll question was: Who/What is in Ushijima's kitchen?   
> The options were; Kuroo / Tendou / His Pet / Surprise Me
> 
> Tendou won the poll with 4 votes.

The redhead grinned at him around a mouth-full of whatever had resided within the wrapper crumpled within their fist. He eyed the shiny, crumpled plastic with a frown that reached his forehead. 

Satori glanced from him to the waste and grinned sheepishly grinned, as much as one could with cheeks full of food. His friend barely managed an apology to which he blinked, face relaxing again as he shook his head and hummed. It wasn't right for him to judge others for using what he deemed unnecessary and harmful things like plastic wrap. Just because he chose to take steps in being more environmentally friendly doesn't mean he should force it on others. 

As Satori focused on chewing and not choking he toed his shoes off, slipping his feet into the plush comfort of his house slippers. He noted Satori wasn’t wearing the spare pair he kept by the door, their black socks poking out beneath their legs. He did smirk a bit as he walked to the counter and began unloading the mesh bags he preferred to use. If he’d still been living at home his grandmother would have lectured them both by now, for both not using the house slippers and for showing up unannounced. Satori would have received a separate lecture for coming over with food only for themself too. 

Unlike his grandmother, he didn’t mind any of that. He’d given them a key long ago for the purpose of coming over whenever they wanted or needed. Reon, Kuroo, and Kageyama also acquired a copy of the key soon after he moved in though none of them use it as much as Satori does. They live closer to him though so that was understandable. Satori lives almost an hour’s drive away while Kuroo, Kageyama and Reon were under a half hour. Weather conditions altering the average time of course. 

With a low huff and a muffled belch, Satori finished their food and fell into a string of conversation. He added a few comments, mostly humming or gently grunting in response as he worked. The slow-knawing feeling was back, weighing on his chest, but it was mixed with the warming comfort of Satori’s presence. 

It’s been a while since they’ve been over. A few months at least, and he wondered what brought on the sudden visit. The tip of his tongue tingled with the words but he didn’t ask, held them back as he told himself that if Satori wanted to talk about it they already would have. He could tell something was bothering them, though they hid it well. Years of knowing someone taught him their tells.

The way they spoke on and on without asking him any questions or for his opinions on things. That was clear enough to him that they were avoiding whatever it was. Their hair was also pulled back into a tight yet messy ponytail. It appeared greasy and the messiness was more so from rolling out of bed and leaving home than anything else; he could clearly see a knot in the strands which a brush or comb would have taken care of. The biggest tell though, was the avoidance of eye contact. Each time he glanced at them they were staring down at the plastic wrap they now rolled and wound through their fingers. 

Hanging up the now empty bags in his small pantry, Ushijima sat across from his friend. Their eyes flicked up to meet his for a fleeting moment, so quickly he would have missed it if he wasn’t staring directly at them. He watched as their lips shakily lifted in a just as quick smile before disappearing. 

“So…” they began but trailed off. The wrapper was set aside and Satori moved on to picking at their nails. “Have you talked to Kuroo-kun yet?”

Shaking his head he confirmed that no, he hasn’t. The comfort of being near his best friend began fading as his thoughts checked off the mental list he’d memorized from the group chat just a few hours earlier. With their help, he’d managed to gather a few ideas about why he might be worrying over Kuroo. 

Kuroo loves to update social media even when they have nothing to say. Their statuses and feed are filled with puns, seemingly random emojis, pictures with no context and quotes; but they haven’t posted anything since the day before. Not unusual for him but mildly unusual for them. They also gained the habit of sending him a morning and night text without fail, even when they haven’t said anything else to each other. He’d double-checked before leaving the gym and Kuroo had in fact, not sent any text since the night before. The night text was also rather blunt, which he usually preferred but it was… unnerving coming from Kuroo. 

“I think you should, he is your friend Wakatoshi-kun.” 

“He is also your friend.”

Satori hummed, shrugged and continued to pick at the remains of the nail polish on their nails. “True, but he’d rather hear from you than from me.”

“I do no agree. I am sure he would like to hear from you as well.”

“Trust me Wakatoshi-kun, he’d rather hear from you,” their eyes finally rose to meet his and he was relieved to see that though something was bothering them, their eyes didn’t hold any sadness. Relaxing a bit he breathed out deeply as he let his mind think, eyes dropping to the table between them. Satori let him think, watching him with interest as he sorted and gathered options. 

His brows knitted together the deeper he fell into the silence. He could call them, but they could be at work. No. It was Tuesday, they have Tuesdays and every other Thursday off as well as most Sundays; depending on staff availability. They could just not answer, a high probability. That wouldn’t settle the feeling he was having but it would be a clear indication they didn’t want to talk. Maybe they just didn’t want to talk to him? Has he done something wrong? No. Kuroo was open enough with such things once comfortable around others, they would have told him if he’d upset them. Or so Kenma told him once when Kuroo was out of earshot. He could also go over to their place unannounced, they have a high enough relationship status that it wouldn’t be too inappropriate. But that also rounds back to the issue that if Kuroo doesn’t wish to talk, or doesn’t wish to talk to him in particular, the trip would only cause issues. 

“If y’think any harder you’re gonna fry your brain Wakatoshi-kun!” 

Glancing up from the grain design of the wood he blinked away the dryness his eyes had gathered. “That is not possible.”

Satori grinned, chuckled as they leaned on their elbow and laid their chin in their hand. They made a show of sniffing at the air and scrunching their nose. “I dunno, I smell the smoke coming from you. You’re also lookin’ a little red.”

Touching his forehead with the back of his wrist he confirmed no sign of fever. With a firm shake of his head, he voiced his disagreeance with them again. They snorted back a laugh, their eyes wrinkling in the corners as they grinned wider. 

“I’m just teasing Toshi,” they sighed but continued to smile his way. “You gonna call em?”

He went to shake his head but stopped himself. Instead, he opened his mouth and laid out his thoughts in the order he’d thought them. Satori’s amusement faded as they intently listened, offering no words until he finished. 

“So, whatchya gonna do?”

His brow creased again. “I am not sure.”

“What do you wanna do?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Poll question was: What Should Ushijima Do?  
> The options were; GO TO HIM! RUN! GO NOW! / Call him!!! / Send a text? / Go to bed.
> 
> GO TO HIM! RUN! GO NOW! & Call him!!! won the poll with 2 votes each.

What do I want to do?

The question was so simple and yet, he couldn’t seem to answer it with any sense of confidence. Swallowing against the dryness in his throat he scrunched his face up. He’s not used to this, not used to focusing so hard on feelings like this. He’s no stranger to worry or doubt, nobody is, but he rarely lets it get to him to the point that his thoughts wander aimlessly and his confidence in his own actions being faltering. He was farther out of his element than he thinks he’s ever been. 

“Wakatoshi-kun?”

Jerking his face up to theirs he flushed. He hadn’t realized he’d spaced out once again. Satori gave him a soft smile though, so he assumed he’s been forgiven for the moment of silence. 

“I do not know what I wish to do,” he spoke honestly, his voice quiet. 

Satori hummed as they leaned back in the chair, a knee coming up as their arms wrapped around it. Laying their chin on their knee they tilted their head in thought as they eyed his face carefully. A shiver ran through his spine but he stared back, knowing the look on their face all too well. They were analyzing him, their eyes hooding the longer they stared. Most got unnerved by it and though the look still gives him goosebumps, he’s used to it. He knows it’s just the way his friend looks as they sort through their own deeper thoughts. So, he waited patiently, knowing that if anyone could help him decide it would be them. 

The air between them was thick but it was comfortable, not awkward like one might assume. His ears picked up on the sound of his neighbors coming home, their two kids excitedly recounting their day through high, muffled voices which told him it was close to four-thirty. Their daughter plays soccer and their son is into comics. When they ride the elevator in the mornings their son likes to show him the heroes, and villains, he reminds them of. Though he doesn’t understand the amusement nor the draw to such things it amuses him to see which ones he apparently resembles in some way. 

“You’re smiling,” Satori chuckled, pulling him from his thoughts once again. “Did you decide?”

Sighing he raked a hand through his hair, mussing it up as he slouched in his chair. That brought a brow raise from them but they didn’t comment as he shook his head. 

“This is unlike you Wakatoshi-kun.”

“I know.”

“You really like Kuroo-kun, huh?”

He’s unsure why, but his heart skipped a beat or two. Which he knows is an impossibility, especially with his perfect health, but it certainly felt that way. His fingers pressed to his throat, against his pulse and he noted that while it was a bit quicker there was indeed no ‘skipping’. Confused he lowered his hand and thought of Satori’s statement again as an image of Kuroo’s crooked grin filled his mind. Again, his heart acted up. 

“You uh, you alright there Toshi?”

“No,” he slowly shook his head as he slid a palm over the smooth material of his sweater until it covered where his heart pounded against the wall of his chest. “I think I’m having an arrhythmia… But that does not make sense,” his voice lowered into a whisper as his brows creased so deeply the muscle twitched. 

A few seconds of pure silence passed between them, the only sound he heard was the rush of blood through his body and the dull thumping echo of his over-active heart. Satori sputtered, the sound drawing his attention before the redhead slapped a hand over his mouth. The sputter turned into a snort before his friend was burying their face into their knee as they laughed until they began wheezing and coughing. He waited for them to regain control of their outburst, breathing slow and deep in an attempt to relax himself.

“Ah, you’re really adorable sometimes Toshi,” they wheezed as they coughed into their hand, head lifting. Sniffling they wiped away the wetness that had collected around their lashes as a few stray giggles slipped past their lips.

He frowned and argued “I am not,” which only set them off into another fit of laughter. This one was short-lived though, ending with a few harsh coughs that left Satori’s voice hoarse. He stood and grabbed them a bottle of water before sitting down again, his body slumping before he realized he’d done it. 

“You really are,” Satori cleared his throat and took a large swig of the chilly drink, wincing when they drank it too fast and gave themself a minor brain-freeze. 

“I disagree,” he stated flatly as he watched them rub their temples.

“Maybe you should ask Kuroo-kun his opinion about it,” they grinned but it was wobbly due to the odd sensation of the brain-freeze was giving them.

He sighed, his hand covering his heart again as it fluttered and pounded heavily. He was growing concerned now, as this was not a common or natural feeling one should be having and heart issues were not something someone should ignore. 

Satori barely held back his amusement as they twisted the cap back on the bottle and set it aside. Leaning over the table they tapped their fingertips against the surface and waited for Ushijima to give them his full attention again. 

“Okay, first; you don’t need medical attention so stop worrying, it’s just a natural reaction,” he opened his mouth to argue but they cut him off with a wiggle of a finger back and forth. “Second,” they lifted a second finger as they continued. “What if you just try calling him and go from there?”

He remained unconvinced. Not about the calling them, but about his health. “Are you sure-”

“Yes, I’m sure!” they snorted, their head falling to the table with a dull thunk that vibrated the surface. “You’re so healthy it’s ridiculous, and your problem isn’t your heart. Well, not completely,” they turned their face to smirk up at him. At least he thinks it’s a smirk, their cheek was squished against the table so much it was difficult to tell accurately. The glint in their eyes helped convince him it was at least an attempt at a smirk but he’s been wrong before so there was room for error. 

“I am confused,” his lips tightened into a line. He hated not understanding almost as much, if not more than having his daily schedule interrupted and thrown by consuming thoughts. 

“That’s okay, you’ll figure it out!” they sat up, their arms raising in a stretch. “Eventually,” they whispered low. He wanted to question them but refrained. If they were sure he’d figure it out then he’s sure he will.

“What if there is no answer?” he voiced after a moment, a heaviness he hasn’t felt in a long time pressing on his shoulders, adding to the already weighty mix of unusual feelings swirling in and around him. He felt tired, exhausted really. Not the kind of tired that made him think he needed sleep, he got the recommended amount, and last night had been no different, but the kind of tired that made him want to just stand in the shower with his eyes closed and get lost in the sound of the water rushing over him. 

When was the last time I felt like this?

He’s unsure but he knows he dislikes it and wants it to stop. But how?

“Then I spend the next hour convincing you to go over to his place so I can stay the night and steal your bed,” they stated matter-of-factly through a yawn and stretched again, their shoulders popping as they did. 

“If you need to stay the night you are always welcome too.”

“I know.”

He watched them pull the elastic from their hair, push it down their wrist, and shake out the grungy locks until they cascaded around his shoulders. They raked their fingers through it and he noticed that it’s gotten longer since the last time he’s seen them, too long for their usual style. 

“But that’s not the point I’m making here,” they continued as they stood.

“I am more confused now,” he mumbled as he watched them shuck off their hoodie, laying it across the back of the chair before pushing it under the table. 

“Good!” they chirped, the glint shining in their eyes again. “I’ll leave you to it then! Is it alright if I steal your shower too?”

“Of course,” he nodded.

They moved to walk away but paused. They glanced at him through their hair, voice dropping low and questioning softly. “And a change of clothes?” 

“Of course.”

“Thanks, Toshi.”

“Anytime,” he stood as well as they walked around the table. As predicted they pulled him into a tight hug, giving him a quick squeeze and padding down the hall to his bedroom before he could return the hug. He watched them disappear, the thought of whether or not it was a mistake to not ask them if they were okay spiking through his thoughts. He brushed it away though, still absolutely sure that if they wanted to talk they would have already. 

He waited until he heard the bathroom door close and the shower being turned on before he walked to his room. Sitting on the edge of the bed he removed his sweater, carefully folding it beside him. The cool air clung to his heated skin as he removed his phone from his pocket. He opened the messages page and noted that he still has no text from Kuroo. Swallowing he let his thumb hover over the call icon before pressing down firmly. Raising it to his ear he expected to hear the ringing of the call going through but he got the beep before the voicemail recording kicked in. 

“This is Kuroo’s-Give it back dumbass!-He’s a bit ow! Not the hair!... This is Kuroo’s phone. Leave a messa-!” the beep cut Sawamura off.

The voices of, if his memory is correct, Yaku with Sawamura and Kuroo in the background rang through his ear. He lowered the phone and stared at the screen, blinking at the image of a grinning Kuroo before raising it to his ear again. It was the first time he’s heard their voicemail but now he understands why people comment on it all the time. 

His lips parted and he sucked in a short breath, prepared to leave a message but nothing came out. He stared at his bedroom wall as seconds ticked by. His mouth slowly closed and the air he’d been holding whooshed from his nose in a gentle sigh. 

They hadn’t answered, just as he’d feared in the back of his mind. They didn’t want to talk. He should respect that.

Ending the call he set the phone on top of the sweater and laid his hands in his lap. The sound of the shower filled his ears and his eyes lowered from the wall to stare at the floor. Slowly, his brows knit together. His mother’s voice echoed in his ears about how ‘if he keeps frowning like that he’s going to get wrinkles and nobody likes wrinkles’, but he didn’t care. 

Why didn’t they answer? Had he actually done something to upset them? No. Their phone was turned off so they weren’t ignoring him specifically. It would have rung at least once if they had been avoiding him as they would have swiped away his call. 

Groaning he laid down, his legs remaining over the edge of the bed. Rubbing at his eyes he swiped his palm down his face roughly. ‘Call them and go from there’, except, now what? What’s he supposed to do? Does he go over? Will that seem rude or needy? If they’re upset and not wanting to talk will him showing up come across as him making it about himself, all because he has an odd need to know? 

Feelings and social interactions are so tiring and complicated. 

His eyes drifted closed as he ran through the options and consequences of his actions if he did them over and over and over until they began to run together in a long-winded rant. He heard Satori finish with their shower, heard them leave the bathroom and walked down his hall away from him. He’s not sure how long he laid there, fully awake but staring at the back of his eyelids. His head felt as if it was swimming. His body remained tense, no breathing techniques worked to help relax him so he eventually gave up and just accepted it as his brain continued to run away from him on a rampage.

He heard the muffled sound of singing and assumed Satori was singing, except the sound was too close and the voice was wrong. Squinting then hooding his eyes he let his ceiling come into focus. The inner voice yelling at him quieted to an annoying whisper as he strained to listen to the singing. It was multiple voices, some off-key, one too enthusiastic to the point they rushed the lyrics. His eyes snapped open and he sluggishly struggled to sit up. His body was slow, fighting against him as he turned and grabbed for his phone. The song was his ringtone, the Shiratorizawa chant he and his former teammates had recorded. His heart was pounding again, this time it felt as if it was trying to break through his ribs and up his throat. 

Grasping the device he turned the screen over just in time for Kuroo’s picture to disappear. Releasing a loud curse, surprising even himself for his language, he shakily flicked through the menu to pull up the call log; racing to call them back before they turned off their phone again. His mind screaming at him again, telling him they’d called and now he was too late. For what he’s not sure, all he focused on was that they’d reached out to him and he hadn’t picked up. 

As he was about to press the call icon a text popped up. His eyes darted to the words and his thumb shook as he stopped himself from pressing. It was from Kuroo, asking him if he was free. Sucking in a relieved, hard breath he used the notification bubble to open the message. Forcing himself to calmly type he replied that yes, he was free. He wanted to add more but he didn’t know what to say, was unsure if he should even say any more than that. Did they expect or want more? Was that enough? 

It seemed to have been enough for them as the next message was them asking if he could come over. Swallowing against the pulse still throbbing in his throat he nodded, flushed as they obviously couldn’t see him, and replied with a simple yes. He frowned as he struggled to think of something else to add but found that suddenly his mind had nothing else to say, a frustrating fact considering it’s been berating him all day. 

The ...s of Kuroo typing showed up and disappeared several times before a just as simple response of ‘ok’ posted. Stuffing the phone into his pocket he scooched off the bed, grasping the folded sweater and sped down his hall in a brisk walk. There was no reason to rush but he did anyway, slipping into his shoes and grabbing his keys without sparing more than a glance in Satori’s direction. They shot his a wave and promised to lock the door behind him as he pulled it open. He was yanking the sweater over his head and arms as he went down the stairs, deciding it would waste less time than waiting for the elevator. It was dangerous and he should have stopped but he wasn’t quite himself so he let his actions slide, just this once. 

He was exiting his building when he noticed a delivery woman walking in. Realizing it was most definitely around super time now, his stomach let out a loud growl as the smell of some kind of sweet sauce filled his nose, his steps slowed. He eyed the bag they carried as he passed and a whole new debate began in his mind. 

It was a seemingly unimportant debate, considering everything, but rationally it was important to not skip meals especially when one is hungry. Plus, his friends have mentioned on several occasions that food can sometimes help people feel better when upset, assuming Kuroo is actually upset, as he has yet to confirm this, something about how a full stomach is comforting? He’s not sure the exact words they’ve used but that sounds close enough to make him wonder…

Have they eaten today? Would it be rude to bring food? Should he even waste time getting food? They didn’t set a specific time for him to go over, so technically it would not make him late, but it would take some time. He already has a good idea of what Kuroo likes to eat, so selection should be easy enough. What if they aren’t hungry? They could always eat it later…

Sighing he set a normal pace in the direction of Kuroo’s building. He could always message them and ask, but they could have turned their phone off again by now which would not help him decide. He wishes things like this were easy, to the point, cut-and-dry. He saw the restaurant he frequented on nights when he didn’t feel like cooking and stopped, stepping aside to let the flow of people continue. They’re quick, they do take-out. It wouldn’t be too long of a wait.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Poll questions were: Ushijima... & (after previous poll results) What Kind of food does he get? (this is not yet in the fic but I wanted the option out of the way so it wasn't so choppy)  
> The options were: Grab Some Food/ Text Kuroo / Just Go To Kuroo's & Something Light / Something Heavy / Kuroo's Favorite / Surprise Me!
> 
> Grab Some Food & Kuroo's Favorite won with 3 & 6 votes.
> 
> [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/RarePairGremlin) | [ My Discord Group, 18+, come chat! ](https://discord.gg/CsX643w) | [ Pillowfort ](https://www.pillowfort.social/RPG) | [ Tumblr ](https://rarepairgremlin.tumblr.com)

He regrets taking the stairs instead of the elevator in Kuroo’s building when he makes it to the fifth floor. Not because he’s out of breath, he is an athlete after all, but because it gives him enough time alone with himself and his thoughts again. 

Waves of regret over taking the time to pick up food, Kuroo’s favorite; grilled mackerel with grilled veggies, plain but satisfying; flowed through him. Questions over whether or not it had been the right choice pulsed and enhanced the guilt poking him. It hadn’t taken long, as he’d predicted, but it had taken long enough that he was worrying what Kuroo might be thinking about him now. 

Raking a hand through his slightly wind-blown hair he walked up the remaining stairs and pushed his way through the door that led to the hall. As he drew closer to their door his heart began the concerning thing again. Sucking in a tight breath he held it, counted and released the held air through his nose in an attempt to slow his pulse. Just like earlier, it did little to nothing.

He could see their door now, the small light next to it, though dim in reality, brightened as he stared at it. Blinking he shook his head, immediately feeling silly at thinking it had brightened at all. Obviously it wouldn’t, especially over him simply looking at it. And yet, his eyes were drawn to it like a beacon and he found himself growing calmer with each step forward. His tense stride melted away into sure but gentle steps. His grip on the takeout box lessened into a grip that was tight enough to hold the contents but prevented the handle from digging into his skin as it had been. 

The box was a neat little thing, a cardboard contraption with a handle that was easily foldable and recyclable, or reusable if you so chose, which he was thankful for as he’d expected plastic. He usually brought his own bags so it was nice to know that if he ever forgot the restaurant had environmentally friendly options available for takeout. 

By the time he stood in front of the door and knocked, his knuckles firmly tapping against the surface in a way that caused a quiet echo through the hall, he felt grounded. Felt like himself, finally, for the first time today. 

Movement near the door piqued his interest as the lock on the door clicked and the doorknob turned. Clearly, they'd been standing near it as the layout to their place had a small entrance and a shirt hall before you entered the open concept apartment. Normally, it took a few minutes for Kuroo to move away from his living room to the door. Then again, nothing about today has been as it usually would be.

Kuroo pulled the door open wide, their lips pulled tight into a smile that even he could tell was forced. He's not usually good with picking up subtle hints about one's mood like that, but their lips twitched and the corners threatened to droop any second. He let his gaze roam over their features for a moment as they stood in silence, and he did not like what he saw.

They obviously haven't shaved, a shadow of stubble covering their cheeks and neck. For as long as he's known them they've only ever skipped shaving during exams. Deep, bruise-like bags stained beneath their eyes. It enhanced the bright blue color of their… 

His brow raised as their gazes met and locked. Kuroo's smile faltered and they shifted on their feet, leaning against the doorframe as they struggled to hold the stare. Kuroo never, never, forgets to put his colored contacts in when he expects company. The golden-honey brown color he plays off as natural was something the man wouldn't forget to put in. 

He only knows about Kuroo's true eye color due to an unfortunate circumstance when they'd had to share a bed for a night, as one can't wear contacts to bed. Kuroo had snapped at him that night, uncharacteristically growling at him not to ask or to mention it as they refused to make eye contact before burrowing themself into the blankets. They went as far as to face away from him the whole night. He knows that because he couldn't sleep, he'd been too worried that he'd upset them over learning their secret. It was the first and last time he'd seen the baby blue, almost unnatural looking shade, that was their eyes. 

He almost preferred the blue though, especially on Kuroo. Such an unusual, beautiful color belongs on such an unusual and beautiful person.

He felt a light tingling spread over his neck and cheeks as the sudden thought of how beautiful Kuroo really is sunk in. Breaking the eye contact with a blink he straightened without realizing it, the muscles of his back and legs locking into place as he repeated his own words in his mind. Yes. He did find Kuroo rather attractive, always had, but he’s never… He’s never admitted it through thought or voice before. He found it to be, rather shocking to say the least.

Kuroo cleared their throat, regaining his attention and relaxing him again as he remembered his manners. Bowing in greeting he apologized for the intrusion as Kuroo stepped aside and allowed him access to their apartment. 

“H-Hi…” they stumbled over quiet words as they shut the door behind them. The entrance was small so he pushed himself up against the wall as Kuroo stepped by him. He got a light whiff of their shampoo and the tingling across his face grew when they steadied themself by placing a hand against his chest, using him for momentary leverage to move into the hall. 

Kuroo’s face had been rather pale when he’d arrived but now it looked more alive, a tinge of red showing through their olive tone skin.

Looking at him through short but thick lashes they waved in the direction of the guest slippers and offered for him to use them if he wished. Kuroo was much like Tendou in their preference for not using slippers when at home. He has, however, seen them use them when visiting others, which is unlike Tendou. 

They watched him from where they stood within the mouth of the hall as he toed off his sneakers, quickly trading them for the slippers. Kuroo fidgeted the whole time, continuously drawing his eyes to the movements as he pulled off the sweater and set his shoes on the rack behind him. 

“So uhm… Yeah, uh... Hi…?” they muttered as they crossed and uncrossed their arms, played with the tips of their fingers and ran their hands through their hair. 

“Hello,” he nodded, offering them a smile he hoped looked friendly and not scary. 

The neighbor’s girl told him he’s scary when he smiles. He practiced once but how does one know when their smile is scary or inviting or friendly? Why does one’s friendliness depend on their smile? Society and the overall views are very confusing. Sometimes he wishes he was more like Reon or Tendou. They have a firmer grasp on such things and they try to explain them to him but a lot of it just sounds silly or utterly ridiculous. 

“Um… Come-come on in?” they waved their arm aimlessly in the direction of the hall and he stepped by them, their arms brushing and eyes meeting. He was barely taller than them but they were slouching a bit, leaning into the wall to let him pass, so it appeared as if he was hovering over someone shorter than he. He felt a warmth gathering on his face and he paused in front of them, staring down into their captivating, mysterious blues. 

Kuroo’s flush deepened into a noticeable red but they didn’t break the contact. He’s sure he moved in a bit closer but couldn’t be sure, his focus too zoned in on the way their eyes widened and lips parted, a soft noise, almost like a sigh or a gasp, falling from them. They straightened their back against the wall, coming up to their natural height and bringing their faces closer together. He felt an urge to… Well, he’s not actually sure but at least his body seemed to know what it wanted even as his brain struggled to catch up. He stepped further into their space and they let him, their chin tipping up slightly as his hand began slowly raising to touch them. 

His foot collided with something and the sound of sloshing water caught their attention. They both looked down and he noticed a mop bucket full of fading suds and murky water next to where Kuroo stood. Turns out, they’d been slouching to avoid bumping it, as he’d just done. 

“Shit, sorry! Sorry I uh, I deep clean when uh, when stressed and uh… It doesn’t matter. Forget it, sorry,” Kuroo stumbled over words and stuttered through others as he knelt and picked up the bucket, lifting it a bit too fast and nearly dumping it on him as they accidentally elbowed his chest. “Sorry! Just let me… I’ll just… One sec,” he stepped aside as they steadied the wobbling bucket and walked down the hall without looking back. 

He remained in the mouth of the hallway, blinking at the wall where Kuroo had just been. He felt awkward, a bit embarrassed and a little ashamed though he’s not completely sure why. He hadn’t done anything wrong and Kuroo hadn’t said he had either, so there was no reason for those feelings to be there. But… He finally understood what he’d been about to do, what he wanted in that moment. 

A kiss. He wanted to kiss Kuroo. He still does. 

Swallowing he cleared his suddenly dry throat and walked into Kuroo’s apartment with slow steps, the slippers slapping softly against his socks. His eyes traveled around the basic yet comfortable and familiar surroundings. He remembers helping them move out of their old place and into here. 

That had been an experience he’d never forget. It had been Bokuto, Daichi, Kenma, someone whose name he does not recall but they were quiet unless laughing at the others or to themself, and him. Hinata had joined them later and had brought food for them. Honestly, he was glad the orange-haired man hadn’t been able to join them earlier. He’s not sure he could have kept up with all the chaos and shenanigans. 

There had been box tossing, especially between Kuroo and Bokuto, and he had not known true anxiety until he watched two grown men throwing boxes across the room at one another. Even when the boxes were clearly labeled ‘fragile’. Daichi and Kenma had stuck together and focused on rooms that did not include the hyper duo, something that he should have done as well if only for his sanity’s sake. They also had a terrible habit through the day of going to pack something in a box and getting distracted by it or moving onto another box before the other had been completed. All this before they even loaded the truck and brought Kuroo’s things here. 

When they’d finally managed to bring the things to the new place the chaos only grew as Bokuto and Kuroo placed boxes wherever instead of their designated rooms. He and Daichi tried to keep it organized but it was fruitless in the end and half the boxes cluttered the kitchen and living room. It was then he also discovered all the boxes Bokuto had done hadn’t been labeled at all. 

“It’s a surprise every time!” they’d grinned at his horror and Daichi had chuckled, clapped him on the shoulder and told him to just accept it as it was just who they are. He’d have fully agreed to that but he knew Kuroo to be a clean, very neat and tidy person until that point. They liked things to be a certain way and the time he’d studied with them before finals he’d noticed how organized Kuroo was even when dead tired. Their textbooks clearly highlighted, sticky noted and writing clearly legible. 

The pure, unfiltered chaotic energy he’d witnessed that had been, shocking, to say the least. And looking at Kuroo’s place now, everything in its place and nothing was strewn about carelessly, you’d never know they were like that sometimes. It had been a surprise for sure, but, looking back, even though he still got uncomfortable shivers remembering it all, that particular quality to Kuroo’s personality was oddly…

Enchanting. 

“Sorry, hi, sorry,” Kuroo huffed as they popped out of their bathroom and quickly stepped toward him. Their cheeks were still flushed but less so and their eyes flicked up to his and back down to their trembling hands. They were fidgeting again and he wanted to put them at ease, feeling ashamed once again over being part of the reason they were uncomfortable again. He was supposed to be here as a friend and instead of checking on them he’d tried to kiss them in a moment of clear vulnerability. It was gross behavior he’d never thought he’d ever participate in and yet he’d almost done it. 

“You are apologizing, though you have done nothing wrong,” he added ‘I should be the one apologizing’ mentally, flushing and scolding himself for not saying it aloud. 

“Uhm… Sorry?” they chuckled but it was airy, lifeless. Not at all like the loud, echoing laugh they were well known for. They have the kind of laugh that you can hear it from two rooms over and still know it’s them laughing. 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he stated flatly, voice firm and a bit harder than he’d meant. 

Their face fell, relaxing into a moment of surprise before their lip twitched up uncertainly. “I was just teasing, Wakatoshi…”

“Oh,” he whispered, his face falling into concern as he scratched the back of his neck, head dipping in silently apology. He saw Kuroo fidget from the corner of his eyes and he glanced up as they moved to sit on their couch, whispering out an invite for him to sit as well. He did, choosing the armchair rather than the couch to give them enough distance from him to be comfortable but close enough that it didn’t make it awkward. Or so he hoped. 

It seemed to be the case as they curled their legs under themself, pulling the throw that had been draped over the back of the couch down and spreading it across their legs. He watched as they plucked at invisible threads and lint, eyes going from him to the blanket and back. The silence between them felt a little tense but it wasn’t uncomfortable and was probably more so himself telling him it was tense rather than it actually being that way. 

He took the opportunity to watch them, mind wandering once again as he took in their exhausted appearance a little closer. Their hair, which was shorter than it had been the first time he met them, their fringe long gone, was messier than normal; which he hadn’t thought possible. It had enough of a shine to make him suspect they hadn’t showered yet today, the oil buildup on their forehead and nose added to that suspicion. Kuroo cared about skincare, he’d had terrible acne in middle school apparently, so it was just another clue he could add to the, as far as he’s concerned, conclusion that whatever Kuroo’s upset over is enough to alter their day-to-day life and habits. But, not enough to up-end it. 

“I um… I’m sorry if, if you had plans or uh, something...” they continued, breaking the silence and bringing him out of his mind. 

“I had no previous plans,” he gave his head a slow shake, their eyes coming up to his as he spoke. “And I would have canceled them if I had.”

“Oh… Good… Well not, not good, but... That’s, it’s good that you uh… That you, that you had no plans! So you didn’t have to um… Y’know, cancel them… Because of me and…,” they turned bright red again, maybe even redder than when he’d almost kissed them, and they tumbled over their words. Their fingers fidgeted and they moved to sit cross-legged before going back to leaning on the armrest with their legs tucked under them.

He tilted his head questioningly, wondering what he’d said that was so odd or wrong that they’d react in such a way. 

“So uh…” they coughed into their elbow, raked a hand through their hair and twisted their watch around their wrist a few times. 

When they didn’t continue speaking he voiced the question that’s been nagging at him since before he even arrived at their place. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes?” they squeaked out immediately. It was too quick of a response and it had been phrased as a question, not a statement.

Raising a brow he pressed, voice coming out firmer than he’d intended but he didn’t like being lied to and he knew he was being lied to. “You do not sound sure of that.”

Kuroo blinked slowly at him, their expression faltering from forced smiles and tight lines to a wobbly grin, knitted brows and saddened eyes. “I’m… Maybe?” they chuckled, the sound flowing from them in a soft gust of air with no humor behind it. 

“Kuroo.”

“Hmm?” their eyes began watering and their smile wobbled, struggling to remain turned up. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, locking his gaze with theirs and speaking low but hard.

“I’m…” they shuddered, shoulders slumping and eyes glistening with tears that threatened to spill over any second. He wanted to look away, give them privacy, but he also didn’t want to be anywhere but where he was. Even if it made his chest feel tight and sore to see the usually happy, vibrant and free-spirited man like this. 

The sucked in a shaky breath and slowly shook their head before their watery, whispered voice said, “No. I’m really no. I’m not alright,” Kuroo struggled not to blink after admitting that, not wanting the tear beading in the corner to spill over. Not with Ushijima watching. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he matched their quiet voice, unsure why he was also whispering but it felt correct. 

“No,” sniffling they shook their head. “Not yet anyway… Is… Is that okay?”

“Yes,” he nodded, body relaxing and he tried to soften his expression. He didn’t need to know what was going on, he just didn’t want them lying to him. Or themself. It was okay to not be okay sometimes. It was okay to not want to talk about not being okay as well. As long as you take care of yourself as much as you can, and reach out to someone you trust when ready, it’s fine to be alone and quiet sometimes.

“Do you need a moment alone? I can lea-”

“No!” he nearly jumped at their hoarse shout and they winced before continuing in an apologetic and soft tone, “I’m… I don’t… No. Please, stay…”

He nodded but said nothing more, letting them sit in another bout of silence interrupted only when they sniffled and cleared their throat. He tried to look anywhere but at them, but his eyes kept snapping back and he’d catch himself staring. It was out of concern but he feared that it looked creepy and he was sure that he was making the situation worse so he’d avert his eyes away again and again. 

They weren’t looking at him anymore, their head lowered and he couldn’t see their eyes anymore. He caught the way they lightly shook, their shoulders trembling, and knew they were crying but managing to hold most of the flood back. 

The palm of his hand itched, fingers twitched with need as he stared at them. A heaviness in his chest kept him rooted in place and he couldn’t look away from them even if he wanted to, even if they wanted him to. He doesn’t even think he could leave now if they told him to. He had the urge to comfort them but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know what to do. This was so far out of his norm he was lost. He was lost and drowning in his own insecurity over screwing up the situation life was currently throwing at him. 

He had to do something. Anything. He just needed to move, react, stop thinking and just do! He felt himself stepping a little closer, his body not listening to his mind for once, which he was thankful for even as the worry screamed and hollered at him so hard inside his skull it felt like his brain was going to explode.


End file.
